You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
