How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Alive.
So much puke
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
