Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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