I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
