Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
