I accidentally had phone sex last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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