Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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