my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
