I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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