remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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