if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
