this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the day after is always just damage control
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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