hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
