walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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