she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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