It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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