Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
