Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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