I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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