My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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