I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
