I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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