the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
