home. puking in laundry basket.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
