party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do vagina's smell?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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