If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize