every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
