I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
