somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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