it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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