Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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