if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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