Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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