i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
