After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
