my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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