Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im holly from the hills drunk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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