wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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