i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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