Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize