so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
