I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together