she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.