Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.