I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
