Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?