pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
