i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
