tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
