This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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