mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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