Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
40s are totally the cure
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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