it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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