At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
