I just saw a hot homeless man
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
