i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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