my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize