..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
