thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
