I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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