i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
