i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
