I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i think my cat just said my name.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
