we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
